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…and the answer to that is a resounding NO!!!

But seriously, this being a blog about relationships generally, yes, but also about a relationship that began through an online dating site (Plenty of Fish, specifically), I thought it would be appropriate and timely to talk about the relative merits and drawbacks of a few of the online dating options out there – from my own personal experience.

Aside from the recognition by both Martyn and I that this was a “successful” online dating experience…because it was how WE ultimately met…the blog to date has probably been more negative and cynical than necessary insofar as describing our experiences BEFORE meeting each other.

Granted, in the numbers game of online dating, you are bound to have a large spectrum of experiences – from the hilarious to the appalling… and sometimes even to the downright scary – before meeting Mr./Ms. Right…or even Mr./Ms. “Seemingly Normal”, to use Martyn’s words. And really, the entire process can help you to learn a lot about yourself and what you want in a partner – or more importantly, what you DON’T want. In my case, it helped me to see that despite my own “shortcomings” – perceived or otherwise – I was actually a pretty good catch all told.

So, how do you choose which forum (or fora) is right for you? I began my online dating adventure through a more “scientific” route. By signing up with eHarmony, the psychologist-created dating site, I chose to put my romantic future in the hands of the “experts” – to let them match me with my “soulmate”, based on "29 dimensions of personality that are scientifically-based predictors of long-term relationship success”. I’ll admit it…I could totally see myself as one half of the next nauseatingly happy couple to be aired as a success story for the site – something to effect of ... “Jackie and Mr. Right were matched in January 2009, married in June 2010, and are currently living in blissful suburban happiness, awaiting the birth of their first child”. Instead, all that MY 2 hours spent filling out the comprehensive questionnaire yielded me was a lot of photo-less matches, 4 “matches” I already knew through work, and one date – and a long-distance date at that.

And still, I can’t say that eHarmony was a complete bust. Aside from the one date with a very nice guy (with whom I knew immediately upon meeting that there was no long-term potential…or spark even…too bad the distance made for 6 weeks of email chat before figuring this out), I was matched with at least 4 individuals who, on paper, would be very “compatible” matches for me – similar lifestyles, levels of education, views of the world, etc. The fact that I already knew, and could eliminate, these four as good matches for me in no way devalues the science behind the compatibility matching process. The reality is that, no matter how contact is initiated (by picking and choosing or by a more scientific approach), a good relationship depends largely on that “X-factor” (call it a “spark” or chemistry or pheromones or whatever) that separates the “friends” from the “more-than-friends”.

… to be continued tomorrow …